


exercise the knack which you attempted to abandon

by Alias (anafabula)



Series: hail solitude, friend of the friendless [1]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Marriage Proposal, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 04:39:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17176070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anafabula/pseuds/Alias
Summary: Don’t say no because you can. It’s the opposite of both anything and everything you could want.





	exercise the knack which you attempted to abandon

Naomi proposes at home, on an otherwise unremarkable Saturday morning, in an otherwise interminable series of peaceably rainless gray days. The soft overcast light does nothing to mute the edges of nervousness carved into her face. Nothing could, probably. Nothing does; if it weren’t for how well he knows the feel of both her hands on his normally Evan never would have guessed her fingers were shaking.

* * *

 Don’t say no.

* * *

He thinks his heart stops for a second. It’s a small question — it _is_ — he’s known the answer for months, but—

* * *

> Don’t say no. Think of how long she must have been thinking about it, too, to do it: think about knowing her more than well enough to realize how extraordinary it is she decided on marriage at all. Remember what this means. Remember this is literally exactly what you want. What you haven’t had the guts yourself to bring up first.
> 
> Don’t say no because you can. It’s the opposite of both anything and everything you could want.
> 
> Remember what you do want. Think about how to pull off joking, as soon as you get that damned _Yes_ out your mouth — think about what to say so she’ll be proud of how hard she took you by surprise instead of wrapping it up in shame for the rest of your lives. Make it an advantage. Make her happy. Think about that.

* * *

> When that doesn’t work think about where you are. Think about her doing this on a day that otherwise means nothing but for being empty in itself. Think about the meaning of her showing no sign of a plan beyond asking you to pay attention and blurting it out. Know she’d have considered it presumptuous to go for being with people or a ring in advance; know she considered it. Know that she knows those social scripts as well as you do.
> 
> Remember: it’s Naomi and that means however long you spend in silence she’s spending double-checking the easiest way to pack everything up and leave because a risk she took went wrong.
> 
> (Think about how it’s a certainty now that she could afford a flat alone if the worst happened, which you know because she knows, because she had to couch that triumph in pessimism to hold it all, which you know in terms of the absence of those floating bursts of anxiety she’d had just because that would have been the end of the world, before. Think about how on every level outside her fingers laid on yours you are free to go, you both are; think about your absolute certainty that she did that on purpose. Wonder how much more time that adds she’s spent working herself up to ask, waiting for you to say no — waiting in case you had to — so you would — could. So you could.)

* * *

> Don’t say no, because she’s prepared herself for it already. She expects it. She’s planned for it much more extensively than otherwise. Don’t say no because you’ve already ended up freezing for long enough to watch her start to fold her honesty up away behind her eyes, watch her gaze turning slowly to one side of you. Don’t say no because she’s braced for that impact, she’s already doing damage control, she was most of the way there before either of you woke up this morning.
> 
> Don’t say no when she knows it’s coming. Don’t do that to her. Don’t say no because you’d lose her and on the scale of such things, compared to what extremes you know are more than within reach, it would barely hurt at all.

* * *

Don’t say no. Just remember what you want.

* * *

Evan’s thought for so long he’s apparently forgotten to breathe while he does it, so he’s unexpectedly choked when he does make words happen, the “Yes, yes, I—”

He brings his other hand up to her cheek to get a second to recover, notes he’s shaking more than she is really, tries to only make it a suggestion that she turn her face back and let him make sure she can believe him when they both have trouble, when he knows…

“I—Naomi, of _course_ I’ll marry you. I can’t believe you beat me to the punch is all,” he says, a little more stable, and that finally cracks her face into a smile.


End file.
